Again, I am at a day when I do not want to write. But it’s not for the same reasons as my last post.
I’m feeling better, by the way.
In truth, I am afraid to write because I do not know what to say exactly. But that’s part of the adventure of writing so here goes…
I learned recently that I feel that in my life right now I am on a carousel. Just going round and round and round and never stopping. That annoying music is playing in the background and I cannot seem to turn it off. There’s no jumping off the carousel because this is where I am supposed to be, frustrating as it is.
After a week of thinking about this metaphorical circus machine, I’m trying to stay calm and not worry about the circles that I’m going in and find peace along the way. Apparently, I’m not very good at that though. Because of that, I have to work extra hard just to be still and patient. But I will put this out into the universe: I want change. I’m ready. I do not know what exactly is coming or in what form it may come, but I’m ready.
I do not say this to invite disaster in; this is a much more hopeful change I am talking about. But I just want to put it out there that I am ready and waiting for it.
Do you know what I am talking about?
Let me explain this: my life has rarely been boring. I have always been on some kind of adventure, so the idea that my current job is to be still and patient is a terrifying fact. Thankfully, my friends are never boring and they always bring joy and excitement into my life. But where is my train? Where do I get on? Why am I on a carousel? Or, you know what, I don’t need a train, I just want a horse, a real one, and not these big metal ones that are anchored to a pole. With a real horse, I could go! I could go fast or slow or somewhere, anywhere.
Please understand that I am not saying that my life is horrible, not true. I am grateful for my life. But I also desire to do more, see more, and live more. Do you know that feeling? That wanderlust of life? That’s what I’m talking about.