Self Care

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Self Care

Ok, sorry guys, I know I got off track on my schedule...I'm working on it. 

So art. And life. Yeah. 

Seriously, I am exhausted. But a good kind of exhausted I guess. Sometimes if doesn't feel very good, but I remember that I am tired because I am working so hard on my art and that makes me feel better. However, there is such a thing as working too hard. 

Yesterday I was in Fort Worth for 12.5 hours. About 10 of which was spent in the studio or getting supplies. I did get to set stuff on fire, so that's good. Got a little overheated at one point (not during the fire part, surprisingly); as many of you know I am very heat-sensitive. But I managed. It was a productive day. 

And yet I didn't feel like it at the end. 

That's the problem with a perfectionist mindset. 
You can't ever do anything "right" because you can't do it all in one day. I guess when you struggle with your self-esteem and believing in yourself, you can be pretty hard on yourself in the process of a project. Today, I have decided to rest. Trust me, I planned on doing a lot of hard work today, but that just wasn't going to happen. (I'm surprised I am even up for writing this.) I had to pull my car over in a parking lot after a midmorning appointment today and take a nap because I felt unsafe to drive. That's the amount of tired I'm talking about. 

Sometimes we just desperately need a day off. And I have learned before and am continuing to learn that that is okay. Self-care and self-love is not selfish.
Here, buy the shirt: 
http://wearyourlabel.com/collections/summer-2016/products/self-care-isnt-selfish-crew

I am sure that if people genuinely took better care of themselves, we would live in a much happier world. People who take care of themselves are more productive, more joyful, and much nicer. Self-care can involve little things and small acts that tell yourself that you are worth it. I'm not saying go crazy and spend all your money on yourself. Self-care is about being wise and gracious with yourself. If you do something in the name of self-care that will cause you distress later, it doesn't count. Sometimes just giving yourself permission to take a power nap is what you need. 

One of the important things about self-care is that at the end of the day, you can't regret it. Let yourself be loved by yourself. 

As I work towards this wonderful art show, I am having to be nice to myself even when I don't want to be. I want to be that tough boss or teacher that convinces you to run the extra 4 miles at the end of a long day, just so you can accomplish more. And sometimes that may be necessary. But I don't want myself or any of you to be drained and burned out with life. 

Learn to care for yourself. You're worth it.

Ideas for self-care:

Take a bath

Take a nap

Clean your desk/room

Buy yourself a nice cup of coffee and have some chill time

Eat a scoop of ice cream

Paint your nails...or a wall

Clean your sheets for a fresh night's sleep 

Take yourself out to dinner

Buy yourself a new exciting book to read for fun

Watch your favorite TV show

Cook yourself an organic dinner

Have the glass of wine 

Go to a museum and look at beautiful things 

Hold hands with someone (but don't try that with a stranger) 

Get a massage 

Get a pedicure

Journal how you feel and don't judge yourself 

Finger paint 

Play with play dough

Read your favorite children's book. (If you need a suggestion: What do you do with an idea? by: Kobi Yamada)

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself and that you are beautiful

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ANNOUNCEMENT!

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ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hello!

F2 Logo "Shine"
Creative Souls Blog Logo


Today includes a very exciting announcement!

F2 and Creative Souls Blog have decided to partner up in order to present a fantastical art event to you! What event? “The Creative Meltdown.”

You may be asking what that means. In short, an art show. In more detail, an entire evening dedicated to creativity and mental health awareness, all by involving communities of people and allowing them to gather together and be included in a once in a lifetime experience. This will take place at the amazing event venue, Shipping & Receiving. There will be live art, dance, music, body paint, and so much more that you have to wait to find out about.

More than an event, this is the beginning of a movement. This is the first F2 Southside SHINE Event! Southside SHINE events will focus on shining a light on the creative talent hidden in the Near Southside of Fort Worth.  We want the events to be a hybrid of your traditional thought leadership event, and a very organic, personal and up close, storytelling event.

Join us and "Become Part of the Movement."

Information will be released through both websites and social media outlets, so be looking. (Anyone subscribed to the blog will get preview news and updates before the public does! To subscribe, check out the CONTACT page on the Creative Souls Blog.)

Stay connected with us to make sure you get up to date information about this entire experience that you definitely do not want to miss.

#southsideshine #f2 #thecreativemeltdown #creativesoulsblog

The Creative Meltdown Event
www.thecreativemeltdown.com

Creative Souls Blog
www.creativesoulsblog.com
https://www.facebook.com/creativesoulsblog

F2
http://www.f2content.com/
https://www.facebook.com/F2content

Shipping & Receiving
https://www.facebook.com/thebaronthenearsouthside/
http://shippingandreceiving.bar/

 

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20/20 Vision for 2020

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20/20 Vision for 2020

I try to keep my life in perspective. You know, have a 20/20 sort of vision when it comes to my life picture. Specifically, I have an actual 2020 vision for that exact year.

Sometimes it is hard having a dream that goes that far out, but I just patiently wait...just kidding, I’m not very patient. But I’m working on it!

So the story about my 2020 dream comes from a very general dream that my best friend, DeLane, and I have about owning a coffee shop/art studio together. We are both creative, although in different ways, and we love the culture of sitting and drinking tea or coffee and having quality time together. What led to a 2020 vision, was that - and this is literally the story - I was driving past a small veterinary hospital and they were announcing that their anniversary was going on that year in 2015, for like 20 years or something big. And I had the thought...that is so aesthetically pleasing to have your big year anniversaries be on a number that ends in 5 or 0. I gave it some thought… and the more I thought about it, the more I liked that idea.

 

Seriously, this is how I make decisions.

 

Not the little ones, just the really big, life-altering ones, apparently.

 

I called up DeLane and said, okay, what do you think about working towards opening our shop in 5 years. That gives us time to save up and get ready and establish our lives a little bit, but it’s not so far in the future that we would lose track of the vision. She agreed, strangely, that the year 2020 seemed like a good plan to open our coffee house/art studio shop.

 

And so my mind went racing.

 

Okay, I have 5 years to go. I need to get my life going and figure things out and get a plan. As I was heavily dwelling on these thoughts, my art was thrown away and the dream of this blog and my art show came together in my mind.

 

I thought, “that’s perfect!” I can do an art show in 2016, build the blog meanwhile. Work at work. And then. And then. And then. There was so much involved. So many ideas.

Before I knew it, I had a whole outline of possibilities for things to do and line up in between then and 2020. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in planning out every detail of your life. I agree with the old saying, “When we make plans, God laughs.” So I am open to things changing and the possibilities of new and different ideas. But having a general idea of where I am going has helped me to stay focused and get ready and be persistent.

Also, along with all of this, I have felt content, mostly, and able to accept the flow of life. Because although I am not planning every detail or every last second, I have a broad sense of where I am headed. (And to Colorado, no less. That is important.)

 

Along with this vision, I felt like I needed to stay where I was, in Texas (unfortunately), until it was time to move forward with the plan of putting the shop into action. And although I do not like Texas, I have felt reassured in many aspects that there are good and important reasons why I am where I am.

 

(Now, when I say I don’t like Texas, don’t freak out if you are a Texan. Just understand that I am very, very, very warm natured. I sweat in the winter. So being in Texas...especially like right now, when it’s summer, is really not ideal for me. Also, I have allergies in Texas, but none in Colorado. A lot of people would say that is a big enough sign to move. And...I love the snow and the cold and the mountains and the healthier lifestyle and my friends that live there. So, I hope that all makes sense and no feeling are hurt.)


While staying here, I have connected with some important people in my life that I know I was meant to meet with. I feel like staying here has been the right decision so far and I look forward to see what all happens with my life in Texas. And the fact that I love quite a few people down here, makes it easier to stay. If I didn’t have such amazing people in my life, I probably would not feel as adamant about staying. The people we have in our lives make a word of difference.

So why are you where you are in life? Do you have something you are working towards? What are your dreams and visions?

I would love to hear your stories and share life together!

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50 Things I Love

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50 Things I Love

In life, it can be hard to see good things about yourself. Especially when you struggle with mental health issues.

A long time ago, a friend and mentor challenged me to think up and write down 50 things I loved about myself. Already struggling with my self esteem, I told her, “there aren't 50 things about me, let alone 50 things I love about myself.” But she still told me to do it. I made it 5 in and gave up. Despite her following up with me, my heart wasn't in it and I gave up for good.

One and a half years later, I was sitting in PHP (partial hospitalization program) for therapy and mentioned that my friend had challenged me to write down 50 things I loved about myself but, I couldn't manage it. Suddenly, my therapist thought it was a fantastic idea and challenged me to finish my list.

Of course, I was not excited.

But my therapist said to just write 5 things before each session and work my way up to 50. However, once I was over halfway through, they just started coming to me. I realized there was more about myself to love than I thought there was.

Do you realize how loveable you are? Do you love yourself? Really think about it. Make a list if you need to and keep it on your phone like I do for hard times.

To prove it’s possible, here's my list:

50 Things I Love About Myself

1. My hair
2. I'm creative
3. I love my tattoo
4. I care deeply about people
5. I feel like I'm a very faithful person
6. I'm more courageous than I usually see
7. I love that I am a traveler who wanders
8. I love that I am a wonderer
9. I love to learn
10. I like the shape of my nose
11. I love that I dance
12. I love my eclectic sense of style
13. I love that my favorite color is grey and so are my eyes
14. I love my love for words
15. I love that I'm unique
16. I love that I am loved
17. I love that I am a passionate person
18. I love that I'm an artist
19. I love that I'm adventurous
20. I love that I'm curious
21. I love that I'm sincere
22. I love that I make a genuine effort to be kind to others
23. I love that I am a reader
24. I love that I'm a dreamer
25. I love that I am colorful
26. I love that I have a purpose
27. I love my hat collection
28. I love my imagination
29. I love my love for people
30. I love my choice in friends
31. I love that I'm a fighter
32. I love that I loves miniatures and tiny things
33. I love that I am a very spiritual person
34. I love that I keep my toes painted and my feet healthy
35. I love that my brain works like a book in space
36. I love that I can hand make books
37. I love that I'm a sculptor and caster
38. I love that I am skörjet
39. I love that I've lived abroad
40. I love that I have piercings
41. I love that I have an eclectic taste in music
42. I love that I love fluffy things
43. I love that I love organic aesthetics
44. I love that I have generally good composition and aesthetics
45. I love that I have faith in people and am learning to have faith in myself
46. I love that I love the cold and the snow
47. Yet I love that I love hot drinks
48. I love that my favorite word is yet.
49. I love that I have good discernment  
50. I love that I still give my heart to people even though it's been broken so much


So what about you? What do you love about yourself?

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Letting Go and Being Let Go

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Letting Go and Being Let Go

Definitely a full weekend.

Friday happened. Real hard.

After waiting to hear back from work about when I needed to come in for some new training, I finally got an email. But definitely not the one I wanted. Instead of a time to come in for training, they just decided to let me go. I am no longer needed. In fact, I was not even given the chance to finish out the pay period. And because I recently changed to working from home instead of being in the office, they have no legal binding to me, which was why they were able to just drop me quick.

I felt like the proverbial rug had been swept out from beneath me.

And I fell. Real hard. Thankfully, I have wonderful friends. A dear friend came over to my apartment to comfort me. We went to a church event that evening and then country dancing after. My friend stayed the night since I had my apartment to myself this weekend and her presence was a huge comfort to me.

But let me be real with you. This being let go was a hard hit. And it was about my writing...so as a writer, I felt personally humiliated and hurt. And very confused, because up until this past week, everything was grand. They loved me; I loved them. All hunky dory. So definitely shocking, scary, and hurtful.

There is a letting go feeling going on right now inside of me. Letting go of the job and all that I thought it was. Having to learn again how to trust and let go of my controlling desires. Anybody else struggle with this? I feel like I am not the only one.

Saturday, I had a difficult conversation with a friend. And by difficult conversation, I mean that her, her roommate, and I all sat down and had the discussion about how much professional help she needed to get in the wake of family death, struggles, depression, and anxiety. This went so far as to going to the hospital to get an evaluation done. In fact, the same hospital that I spent my inpatient days in. That was a throwback. I had major flashbacks. But I was there to support a friend, so I did.

Both Saturday and Sunday nights came with huge panic attacks. Not fun. So Monday morning came with grogginess and a hungover feeling, not that I am actually familiar with that feeling, to be honest, but it sure felt like what I imagine them to feel like.

I had a meeting get canceled in the morning, but I still had a lunch meeting about “the show,” as elusive as that sounds, I still can give no more details. But soon, my friends, soon.

As I am writing this, it is Monday evening and I am still tired and just plain worn out. The good news is that this week, I should be finding out about a space for me to finish my art in for the show and that would be amazing to finally have  s   p    a     c      e.

There are good meetings to come this week. Tomorrow I plan to throw some pots. And I don’t mean throw. I mean the pottery term - “to throw.” As in creating pieces of pottery on a wheel. Hopefully I can get out of bed tomorrow and do that. I am trying to hold onto what little sanity I have left. It may not be much, but I am certainly trying.

 

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Artistic Inspiration on a Blah Thursday

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Artistic Inspiration on a Blah Thursday

Ok, so I had a weird Wednesday.

By weird, I mean that really good stuff happened and really bad stuff happened. So at the end of the day, I wasn't exactly sure how I should be feeling. All I knew was that I was tired. Exhausted.

The good news was about the art show...things are moving forward in good direction. Some meetings were set and some decisions were made. And hopefully soon, I will have a space to paint and sculpt and create in. That is was the hope is today. It's looking fairly good, but I am still praying.

The bad news... well, apparently I haven't done my work at my day job the way some people want it done and it came back on me. Hard. Especially since it was about my writing, it made it a difficult pill to swallow. And obviously, as medicated as I am, I am used to swallowing pills. This one came with a little more humiliation and embarrassment.  

After so much emotion, by the end of the night, I was very ready for bed.

As for an art update, I have my projects for the art show planned out and scheduled for creation. There are about 25 pieces and then a series of about 100 small drawings that I am working on. It’s definitely a lot of work, but I am excited to do it. Some of the work is already in progress and some of it is still waiting for the supplies to be bought. But I feel good about the schedule that I am on.

To be honest, last week was full of anxiety and yesterday felt like I got the first wave of relief in about 1.5 weeks. Lots of panic attacks were had and late, sleepless nights. I spent a lot of time wondering what I was doing wrong with my life and why I couldn’t just calm down. Some of it, I do not even know why I was struggling with anxiety. I know that part of it was because there was a lot up in the air about the event and I was nervous. But more so, I just didn’t trust that there was a plan. And there is only so much I can do on my own. Taking more time to write and read and create was helpful though. In hindsight, I probably should have done much more of it. But when you are in the middle of anxiety or depression “doing” is the last thing you want to do, whatever it may be.

My therapist gave me some good insight on Tuesday...she said right now is almost a calm before the storm time. And because I am aware that I am about to get very, very busy, I need to make sure that I do the things I want done before the storm hits. So I was like, what do I want to do? The answer: reading, duh. That always gets brushed off when work becomes really busy, but something I miss very much. So my goal is to read quite a few books in the next few weeks or month. What are some of your latest favorite books? To be honest, I probably will not be able to add them to my list, because man, do I have a long list, but I would love to hear about them and have them for future reads. I’m always down to talk about books anyways. You might have noticed that since I’ve reviewed books on my blog. I have made sure to limit it to creative and inspirations books though, but I really do like a wide variety of literature.

So how about it? What are you reading?

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Scheduling

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Scheduling

Scheduling. Scheduling my art, my life, my blog, and more.

It is not unknown that I am not the best at living by a schedule. However, I am quite aware of the fact that if I do not figure out a schedule for my life, I will not be able to make it through this summer AND accomplish all the goals I have planned. Although I understand that accomplishing every single thing is not necessary, I do want to have some semblance of success. Especially if the art show is going to happen near the end of summer. (Oops, did I just let that hint slip? I guess so!) 

Ok so a plan... what's my blogging plan? This week is a bit of a hullabaloo, but my goal is to have new posts every Tuesday and Friday for the next three months. After that, we will see how we need to adjust things. Hopefully, I can get to a point where I am posting three to four times a week, but the goal is at least every Tuesday and Friday. So feel free to ask where the posts are if I'm late. I need to be held to my word. 

Also, I am hoping to sneak an extra Sunday post in there each weekend, but for that, I make no promises. Sorry. I promise to do my best though!

Social media is going to be a thing again, too. I feel like I have a hard time staying on top of that, but I am hoping to program posts and keep up with them better. So if I don't respond on social media, be like "Yo! What's the deal??" And I'll step it up. 

As for the upcoming show and news related to that, everyone who subscribes will get the inside scoop and sneak previews, but as long as you keep up with the blog, you will get updates and info as it is released online for the public to consume. (Using that word, consume, I am picturing people just eating the internet...what does that look like? You might not want to know...it's kinda scary looking...a little zombie like.) 

So the point is...organization is going to be an important key to my life this summer. If you have any organization tools or things that help you, please comment below! 
Thanks! 

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April may have been a problem, but May may be okay

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April may have been a problem, but May may be okay

PART I

This is a two part blog today. Part I covers the past and the present. Part II covers the future and some plans.

Wow...there is so much going on and I am not sure where to begin. Creativity, art, mental health, business, work, writing, building, friendships, life, and death. All of it is going on at once. But I guess that is they way life is, isn't it?

When I first was planning out this post (a long time ago), I thought I was going to explain what April was to me. But I realized that it didn't matter. April was a struggle. And you know what's sad? I started my new job April 4th and I LOVED it. You know what I am doing? Writing. And it's amazing. I have the privilege to write for a marketing company, as well as create graphics and video and other content for our clients. It's not always easy, but I am truly enjoying it and feel like I am supposed to be there. That is a nice feeling.  

Work was not my problem in April. But every other area of my life was feeling drained. I was sad that I could not embrace the joy of my new, exciting job to the fullest because I was feeling dragged down by other struggles and worries. Friendships were a struggle and I take that very seriously. People that I am close to mean a lot to me and when there is something wrong there, I feel it very deeply and become very sensitive to whatever issues are going on. 

When May began, I said, "Okay, new month, new beginning. Let's start over." 
But it didn't work like that. The first week of May felt like an April hangover. I dragged myself around and felt as if I was barely making it. 

Honestly, I felt as if I had created this blog and worked so hard to do so much and thought I was getting no where. My anxiety was becoming more and more of a problem; my depression was considering moving back into it's old room in my brain. That was not something I wanted. 

Then something changed. 

Don't get me wrong, I do not believe that circumstances make life easy or not. It's about how we live our lives, being willing to be content even in the difficult times. However, I needed a change of scenery. Something, anything, I felt that would be different than what I was used to. 

Apparently, my cries were heard.

Finally, I am able to tell you guys that something is happening...I know that's not much to go on. But what I mean is that the goal for this blog to document my new portfolio and the creation of a series of art that is meant to go into my first solo art exhibition...that goal is coming into fruition. That much I can say. 

Now, I am not at liberty to give you all the details right now, but I just want to give you a heads up that things are happening...all of you who read this blog are part of a community, and that community is growing.

Of course, something could go terribly wrong and everything could change and I could be alone and devastated tomorrow...at least that is what my anxiety keeps trying to tell me. But my faith and hope and trust is being told another dream. One that says, "Hold on, answers are coming. Dreams are coming true." 

I truly hope you all will be apart of this journey. There is much to come. And many good surprises along the way. So as they say...stay tuned. There's more to come. So much more. 

 

PART II

The other part of this post is to tell you that I have come up with a calendar for posting. No more random posts and no more waiting a month in between posts. There are actually things going on! Things that are important to document! So you will actually be hearing from me...regularly. And that will start very soon. Just so you know my goal, and yes, you may hold me to it, I plan to post twice a week. I will let you know what those days are this week, too. A calendar is being made and worked on as we speak.

This also means regular emails. I've missed writing to you guys. I hope you've missed hearing from me. I plan to be much more involved from now on. Thank you for being patient with me. I appreciate every one of you. 

If you have read this to the very end, I thank you, deeply. Feel free to comment and let me know if you made it : ) Survivors will be awarded...somehow...someway...someday, possibly. But at least you have all the information and get to go forth knowing you finished reading the entire blog post. Thank you. 

Til next time...

L

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