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creative writing

April may have been a problem, but May may be okay

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April may have been a problem, but May may be okay

PART I

This is a two part blog today. Part I covers the past and the present. Part II covers the future and some plans.

Wow...there is so much going on and I am not sure where to begin. Creativity, art, mental health, business, work, writing, building, friendships, life, and death. All of it is going on at once. But I guess that is they way life is, isn't it?

When I first was planning out this post (a long time ago), I thought I was going to explain what April was to me. But I realized that it didn't matter. April was a struggle. And you know what's sad? I started my new job April 4th and I LOVED it. You know what I am doing? Writing. And it's amazing. I have the privilege to write for a marketing company, as well as create graphics and video and other content for our clients. It's not always easy, but I am truly enjoying it and feel like I am supposed to be there. That is a nice feeling.  

Work was not my problem in April. But every other area of my life was feeling drained. I was sad that I could not embrace the joy of my new, exciting job to the fullest because I was feeling dragged down by other struggles and worries. Friendships were a struggle and I take that very seriously. People that I am close to mean a lot to me and when there is something wrong there, I feel it very deeply and become very sensitive to whatever issues are going on. 

When May began, I said, "Okay, new month, new beginning. Let's start over." 
But it didn't work like that. The first week of May felt like an April hangover. I dragged myself around and felt as if I was barely making it. 

Honestly, I felt as if I had created this blog and worked so hard to do so much and thought I was getting no where. My anxiety was becoming more and more of a problem; my depression was considering moving back into it's old room in my brain. That was not something I wanted. 

Then something changed. 

Don't get me wrong, I do not believe that circumstances make life easy or not. It's about how we live our lives, being willing to be content even in the difficult times. However, I needed a change of scenery. Something, anything, I felt that would be different than what I was used to. 

Apparently, my cries were heard.

Finally, I am able to tell you guys that something is happening...I know that's not much to go on. But what I mean is that the goal for this blog to document my new portfolio and the creation of a series of art that is meant to go into my first solo art exhibition...that goal is coming into fruition. That much I can say. 

Now, I am not at liberty to give you all the details right now, but I just want to give you a heads up that things are happening...all of you who read this blog are part of a community, and that community is growing.

Of course, something could go terribly wrong and everything could change and I could be alone and devastated tomorrow...at least that is what my anxiety keeps trying to tell me. But my faith and hope and trust is being told another dream. One that says, "Hold on, answers are coming. Dreams are coming true." 

I truly hope you all will be apart of this journey. There is much to come. And many good surprises along the way. So as they say...stay tuned. There's more to come. So much more. 

 

PART II

The other part of this post is to tell you that I have come up with a calendar for posting. No more random posts and no more waiting a month in between posts. There are actually things going on! Things that are important to document! So you will actually be hearing from me...regularly. And that will start very soon. Just so you know my goal, and yes, you may hold me to it, I plan to post twice a week. I will let you know what those days are this week, too. A calendar is being made and worked on as we speak.

This also means regular emails. I've missed writing to you guys. I hope you've missed hearing from me. I plan to be much more involved from now on. Thank you for being patient with me. I appreciate every one of you. 

If you have read this to the very end, I thank you, deeply. Feel free to comment and let me know if you made it : ) Survivors will be awarded...somehow...someway...someday, possibly. But at least you have all the information and get to go forth knowing you finished reading the entire blog post. Thank you. 

Til next time...

L

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AHHHHH!

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AHHHHH!

        I am in a weird place today. I feel mustard yellow, which is a color some people love and can pull off really well. And other people not so much. I feel in between those people.

        Really, I just want to sleep. Haven’t slept much this week so I know my judgment is slightly impaired because of that. That’s part of being a creative though. Some weeks, sleep is a wonderland. And other weeks it’s a big angry grizzly bear looking for its honey. Sometimes I feel like the grizzly bear. Then I drink lots of coffee.

        Creative ideas are bouncing around my brain like ping-pong balls and I cannot seem to catch them. I feel that everything about my world is saying, “Shhhh, slow down; sit still. Everything is okay.”

            And I’m just screaming.

 

            AHHHHH!

 

            What am I thinking? What’s going on in my brain? Was that a real idea? Do colors seem brighter? Or maybe the world is just blurry…

 

            I shouldn’t have more coffee. Where am I going? Metaphysically or physically? I don’t really know the answer to either. Maybe I’m asleep this very second and don’t know it. This morning in my little bit of sleep I dreamt that I was Katniss Everdeen getting ready to fight a zombie horde. No joke.

            I really love snow. Unfortunately, I live in Texas so it’s mostly a one-sided love. The sooner I get back to Colorado, the better. I feel the need to throw snowballs right now. It’s not something that’s going to happen, but it’s a desire nonetheless.

            Those days when I wake up and my hair is just BAM. Perfection. Love those days. Today is one of those days fortunately. So I kinda feel like a wacked out Disney princess. Maybe Rapunzel, she’s pretty crazy. I wouldn’t mind Flynn Rider; I like the ruggedly handsome types.

            I wish I had a tiny dragon. At first I thought dinosaur, but I was like no, have a dragon, duh. Obvious choice for me. The plus of having a full sized dragon would be getting to fly, but it would be hard to keep it safe from the world and I couldn’t bring it with me wherever I went. Plus, I love tiny things.

            Ok, I think that’s enough written crazy for one day. But I have promised to be honest on my blog and show all sides of the creative life, so I couldn’t very well ignore today because it wasn't “normal.” Who cares about normal anyways? Certainly not me. 

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Big Magic

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Big Magic

          Having just finished Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, I was so inspired that I busted out a painting like it was nothing. Want to learn about how to live creatively? Read her book. She puts into perspective that creative living doesn’t mean abandoning all you know to live on the street as a starving artist. But it also doesn’t come without learning to sacrifice. The reward, though, is worth so much more. Even if your creative living is something seemingly small, as long as you are committed to working at it every week, you can live a creative life and grow consistently.

            In the book, Gilbert addresses a wide audience, explaining the beauty of creative living to all types of people. She shares stories of people living as creatives and expressing who they are as they walk through life everyday.

            Creativity is not about being able to draw the perfect figure or write the perfect lyric. Creativity is about having a problem and being able to invent the tools to solve it. It is having a message that cannot be put into words clearly, so you convey it through an alternative form of communication.

            Gilbert’s message in the book talks about the reward of creative living being that “big magic” that happens in our lives. And until you experience the magic of creativity, no one can accurately describe it to you. It is an experience you can watch people have your entire life and never understand. But to let yourself be taken over by a creative spirit, just once, will embed in you a creative desire, a creative addiction that cries out for more. Except it’s not destructive; it’s additive; it’s creating; it’s growth and development.

            The beauty of the book does not stop at the message because Gilbert’s writing voice and style ad intrigue and wonder to every page.

            Thank you, Elizabeth Gilbert, for saying what the world needs to hear and being a voice for creatives everywhere. This book truly is Big Magic.

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